We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize