His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize