I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
