some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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