Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
