Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
