dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
