Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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