oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
