i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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