Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
