I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
