i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
