Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
