guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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