...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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