Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
