It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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