She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
