Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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