Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
