Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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