i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
