thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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