Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
