38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
