just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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