i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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