my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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