Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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