I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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