: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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