YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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