yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My balls are so social today.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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