Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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