had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
