my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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