I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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