can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
