chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize