so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
