end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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