Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
