Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
