brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
