My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
