Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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