It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
