Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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