The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
