you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
