I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
