i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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