i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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