Kareoke will never be a sober sport
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
