ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
