actually, I'm a sock model
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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