The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i wish my penis had a tongue
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
