I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize