i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
jump out the window naked night went bad
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