The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
