I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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