Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
