The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
