Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
