y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Randomize
