i would punch a child for taco bell
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize