I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
