Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
