3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
