he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
