I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
