I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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