hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
